If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault!

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes!

I was wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.

Every one has a list of problems and issues. But I am #1 on everyone’s list.

Kõige naljakam selle lause juures on, et ajaks, kui see läbi saab, avastad, et see ei öelnud sulle mitte midagi!

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

I’m smiling. This should scare you.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).

I never admit or deny anything it makes me more interesting.

By the time you read this you’ve already read it.

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.